superpowers in not so super humans

If you had one, what would it be? To fly? To have laser vision? Maybe you really just want to be able to turn back time.

What about things that aren't so absurd, being able to type 100 wpm, never having a bad hair day, being able to play the piano like Beethoven.

And me? I can read minds. Not every mind or every thought, but I can tell how people think. I know what those looks mean, what your eyes are trying to hide. I know why you don't want me to come. I know why you invite me with no intention of a real invitation. At least, I know why you think you do these things. Telling the truth is not my power.

I stumbled across an old recollection of mine, I went back, years and years. I scanned through my own thoughts and I remembered the feelings. The old bog that pulled on everything. The corners of my mouth, my heart, dragging everything under. But then the old familiar songs came back and all the old loves, all the old things that used to be love. What happened to it, what happened to me, why can I only remember happiness with pain?

And I'm reading his thoughts again. From a hundred miles away I can still hear it, from ten thousand miles away I have always known those thoughts. But this time they aren't mine anymore.

The snow isn't as cold when you think about it, there are much colder things. Colder people. Colder nights. Colder thoughts.

Finally Finals

Semesters come, and semester go. Sunrises dawn and sunsets fade. And no matter how excited we to begin them, full of life, excitement, and new plans, there's always a sense of excitement and anticipation to finish them. Like closing a novel you've been reading for four months. It doesn't matter how good it was, you want to complete it.

Over. Over. Over.

Things we really aren't

Tell me about yourself. No, what would you know, really, few people know themselves really well enough to be able to tell me who they are. But I'm sure you can tell me who you aren't. Let me start. I am not:

• Elvis Presley. This is self evident if you've ever seen me on the dance floor, I can wiggle and jiggle just as good as a bowl of jell-O but I will never be able to have those beautiful blue eyes or those hips, oh Lord love a duck, how I want those hips
• very tall- this is emphasized by everyone else
  
• a ballerina- refer to number one
  
• an airline pilot
• a guru
• Asian
• very skinny
• homeless
• unemployed
• a boy
• originally from Utah
• African American
• a brunette (am I?)

Healthy Perspectives

While I was attending a lecture the other day by Daren Brooks, I reflected on health and health businesses. He brought up a valid argument that I have thought about for a while now, who is the authority on health. He mentioned his experiences after graduate school when he went to 7 seven different health officials (herbaligists, doctor, acupuncturer, psychologist, etc) and got 7 different diagnosises (he actually had made up his symptoms). He then went on to talk about how if we are creative with our health knowledge then we don't have to find ourselves stuck in a health department, but that we can do what we want to and get paid for it.

He then had us list topics we were interested in and threw out some ideas of ways that we could pursue that area that were maybe non-traditional. I mentioned patient education and he mentioned that you could create a program, with a manual and maybe some CDs and then take it to a hospital and propose it to the hospital administration. Me... little old me... teaching other people something that I don't really have any "experience" in, but have heard lots about. And yet, why not?

If I know something about anything, shouldn't I try and share it with others, shouldn't I try and help people out? I can't profess that I know everything or that I have some amazing proliferation of knowledge, but I can help set up a program for patients on their way to recovery so that they can make habit changes and instead of having to come back for subsequent surgeries can enjoy their lives and their changed lifestyle.

It was interesting, as Daren was leaving, because he mentioned that we are the only ones going through our experience, we are the only ones that know what we are feeling, so even though we can get advice from doctors, herbaligists, mother-in-laws, etc. it is always up to us to ask ourselves what we need and to reconnect. So in the end, the health professional is not just the guy who went to school for eight years, but it's you and it's me.

And that is what I would call a healthy perspective.

Feeling the vibrations

Someone once told me that in our smallest particles we are made up of energy. Everything we are, everything we do, is a vibration of particles of energy inside and outside of us, whether we are doing back flips or if we are stuck on our back. I think this explains to some degree why we resonate, like guitar strings when things seem to be true. According to Webster something is true if it is “consistent with fact or reality; not false.” We can feel truth because it is part of us, it is something we have known, we do know and we will know.

I think this carries into music, not necessarily the truthfulness part of it, but the way that we can relate to music can be much more than on a “like” or “dislike” basis. In fact, we can listen to something until it begins to cause our whole bodies to vibrate, until we not only grow accustom to listening to it, but until it becomes part of our beings. Is it possible that we can listen to music, to sounds and vibrations until they have changed the way we resonate and the basic structure of our beings?

I know that simplifies things on a grand scale, but sometimes when I listen to someone singing, not just through speakers, but when I hear the vibrations through the air straight from their vocal chords I can feel it. I can feel it seeping into my arms, legs, filling me up until it begins to leak out of me. Often times I can feel it even in the hairs of my arms.

Croatian me Crazy

I have returned, prodigal and wonderfully happy to return. It was intense, to say it was entirely enjoyable, 2 & 4 year olds and all. Pictures to come.

Prop me up on that one

I'm not a very political person, I'm not even very politically correct, but the other day I learned a little bit more about California's Proposition 8.

Here's el dealio, I couldn't understand, why would the church want us to vote for Prop 8 so badly? I understand that homosexuality is a sin and that we shouldn't condone it, but at the same time, don't people have their rights to believe whatever they want to believe? And then I read this.

Also, check this out