Wednesday, February 11, 2009

If this is love..

Valentine's Day is fast approaching and with this season of love there are lots of handwritten declaration, chocolates, and tacky decorations. And for me, there was a dream.

Last night I dreamed that Juan and I were getting married. It was all so exciting, everyone was there, all my family, including, interestingly enough, my extended family which I hardly ever see, but have all befriended me on facebook. My college friends (all of them) were hanging around, waiting for the ceremony and I was getting dressed in my wedding gown when I realized:

If Juan and I get married-- he wont be able to go on a mission and neither will I.

A sense of urgency and discomfort began suffocating me and I wasn't sure how I could just go and cancel the wedding with everyone here, but I know that I couldn't go through with it either. And then I began to realize, I couldn't go through the temple, because I hadn't gone through the necessary processes. I asked Juan if he had, and he said that he had. I asked if he had the marriage license from the state and he didn't. And I realized, even if I wasn't a sissy and didn't want to back out, I had to, because we couldn't legally do this.

But that didn't resolve the problem: everyone was there.

And then I woke up.

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