Tri- a little harder

I'm not sure what happened actually.

If you would have asked me a year ago if I would ever run a race of any kind, I probably would have just laughed. I'm just not that kind of gal. I don't run. I don't race. I don't pay do things that I can easily do for free (like put on shoes or ride a bike).

While I was in Korea though I realized something: I can do hard things. I remember feeling this when I would wake up in the morning and wish more than anything to go home, to go back to the United States and back to the people and things that I knew and loved. I wanted so badly for things to be easy again, to fit in and to not just struggle and make it through the day, but to do things that I knew I could do well. I would pray every morning for the energy and the faith to get through another day. I could never look farther than that.

"Dear Heavenly Father," I'd plead, "help me to get through the day. I promise I will do the best I can today, but just send me home tomorrow."

And then about half way through I realized that I could do it. I looked back at all the days that had gone by and realized that there were fewer in front than behind. I realized that I had made it to the top of my mountain and the rest was possible.

I can do hard things.

This has become my mantra in life. I bike to and from work most days and every time I have this horrible hill to get over. It wouldn't be so bad if I had a bike that works and could actually climb any sort of an incline without breaking out of gear and causing my chain to jump. However, since I don't right now, I just grit my teeth, pedal a little harder, and mutter "I can do hard things, I can do hard things."

And that's how it started.

I began to start running in my seventh transfer, early last summer when I first was companions with Lee Kyung Ran. I remember that she would struggle out of bed every morning, not because she wanted to, but just because she wanted to be obedient. I didn't tell her that this was actually the first time I ran every morning with my companion. Every day I would set a new goal, one more lap, slightly faster, fewer stops, and on and on it went. Even in the winter we would wake up and watch as the warm air from our lungs would illuminate our path.

One of our investigators ran marathons. We went running with her and her parents one evening and I realized that although it was still beyong my capacity, it was not beyond my dreams. I could dream and plan and I could do it. So as soon as I got home I started my training schedule and in a little more than a month I have a marathon planned.

I was told though that more enjoyable than marathons are triathalons. So when I heard abou the free one happening this Saturday I immeadiately went online and signed up me and my younger brother and sister. And I did it. I even swam the entire 24 laps without a break and without getting water up my nose (a first in my life).

How does it feel?

Refreshing.

Removing the subtitles

We all love the commentary, the sarcasm, the one who adds flavor and meaning and their own spin to things. I think that's why we love the news. We could get the same information in a much less flashy, must less biased manner, but then it wouldn't be news. Instead it would just be congress, talking of another bill, another imperfect man doing his best to lead a country, crimes from a moment of passion instead of the crime of a century.

But I've been trying to improve my language abilities, so I've decided to go without subtitles. At first it was confusing and I wondered if I was really catching everything. Could I really understand everything? Didn't I need other people to interpret and scrutinize? It requires a little more concentration, a little more astuteness, but once you don't have to watch the words you can begin to watch their faces. You pick up the subtle nuances of voice inflection, the turn of a head, you can begin to see if for yourself instead of through a lens.

So I decided to put it to the test, not only would it be for my Korean dramas, but I'd try it in real life. Not put words in people's mouths, not spend my time figuring out what I wanted them to be or mean or say. Instead I would spend less time analyzing and more time observing. More time really listening instead of mentally summarizing and compartmentalizing.

And although I can't say I'm a native, I'm definitely more fluent.

What I think about biking in the rain and falling and scrapping my arm

Popular Mechanics for Lovers

It's one of those books.

You know. The kind that you don't need. The one that you have so thoroughly mastered that you don't even have interest in it. The title is intriguing, but certainly not something that you would bother with, unless...


She is one of my best friends and the library is free, so I checked it out. I'll give it a quick look over at least.

And the more pages that I read the more I feel the desire to change. The desire to fix myself before trying to find the one who is out there waiting for me. I'm not a mess. But I'm not perfect either. And so I continue reading, mesmerized by the truthfulness of every page and the encouraged by the thought that maybe, somewhere out there, my soul mate is waiting for me. Waiting for me to realize it.

G00613 voice

I love Google, I recently found out that Google Voice will listen to your voice messages, transcribe them to text, and give you the best laugh you could have expected. I have my favorites, of course, but today I got one that really gave me a belly laugh:

"Yes, I was trying to reach Chris, I'm trying to get a message to the Y innately easy as a contact. My name is Lisa, my number is ***-***-****, and I was thinking to return my call if you could give him that message. Thank you. Hello Hello. Cash express the place hum a happy."

Thanks Lisa, I'll make sure to relay the message.

Discovering the Cure for Cancer

Freedom comes with a price and it's own sense of dependence. Free to sit at home. Free to wonder if I did the right thing. Free to hang out with friends and spend the night with Carin spur of the moment.

And yet a sudden dependence on my bike and my sister to take me places.

Anna and I went to visit Orem last night. Except after about five minutes her oil temperature gauge went off the charts. We prayed that we could make it safely there and back when suddenly the gas light went on and we pulled off into a gas station.

It was fortunate that we did, as soon as we came to a stop we realized that the engine was smoking. I jumped out, scared that any minute there would be a large explosion and only a little of me left. I crouched down to peer under the car and exerting my full expanse of car expertise announced, "We're leaking!"

There was a green trail that had followed us up the hill and as Anna and I sat contemplating what would have happened had we been so brave and silly to actually make it to Orem, God sent his messenger to give us some advice. Except this messenger was wearing an oversized Simpson's t-shirt, had shaggy unkempt hair and I wonder if he had ever seen a dentist... in his life...

"Stand back," he warned, "I've seen those things explode before." Needing no prompt, Anna and I both leaped backwards a good ten feet and allowed the homeless angel to open our hood and proclaim that it was the worst case he had ever seen, but our anti-freeze had boiled over and was dangerously low. As he opened our anti-freeze container and advised us to "wait it out", both Anna and I began to thank the heavens for this fortunate turn of events that lead us to
 1. not dieing
 2. not being stuck on the side of the road

As we waited I pulled out the never-been-read-before user's manual and began flipping through. After laughing as some of the inane signals that were found there, I nudged Anna,
"Look, this says that if the engine over heats then all these other symptoms may become evident as saftey mechanism."
Anna looked at the pages in shocked amazement, "this is wonderful, I'll go get my car fixed tomorrow and what I thought was a million problems is really just one problem. Becca, this is like finding the cure for cancer"

"Except," I reminded her "we haven't found the cure, just the cause." Ignoring my comment she blissfully began repeating "We've found the cure for cancer! We've found the cure for cancer!" And I couldn't help but smile and laugh at my wonderful, crazy little sister.

 So if you pray for help, don't think God's not listening just because it doesn't turn out the way you want.  We can learn a lot from break ups and break downs and breaking apart and God is always helping us out.

Looking Back

Do you ever wonder if maybe you have too many good options. For a girl who can't say no, it can be hard. I had a dream about a boy who I haven't seen in at least ten years.  He came over, and it was odd, he was married, I was still dating someone else, but he came over. He was trepid and then he told me, he told me that he still felt bad about that week, the week when it was over. That he could still remember my broken hearted face and that he was sorry.

I laughed. I had overcome it so long ago that it almost seemed inane to remember it. I assured him that I had recovered and that it was best to have happened, because now we were both happy in our separate lives and I had been able to grow so much from this experience. I had gone on a mission and lived out on my own, I had grown and learned and become. There was no need to apologize.

And I hoped that it was a message for me. I woke up feeling okay again.